I remember somewhere around fourth grade realizing I was larger than the other kids and that in the seventh grade I went on my first deprivation diet. In junior high school I started binging on unhealthy foods like chips and salsa at the nearby Mexican restaurant and sneaking to the 7-Eleven and buying whole boxes of ice cream cones, eating the entire box and hiding the trash in a neighbor’s can so my parents would not find it. I spent my entire high school and college life in plus size clothes, fluctuating between a restrictive deprivation diet to try to lose weight, and falling off the wagon and gaining back every pound and more.
When I went to law school I knew I wanted to get healthier, so I did Jenny Craig and lost about 60 pounds. After six months I stopped following their program and I put all of the weight back on, and even more than ever before. I graduated law school wearing the largest size you could buy in stores.
In 2002 I got motivated for a job and I lost 80 pounds on Weight Watchers. I took up running and lifted weights to get into condition for basic training. After I reported to training I immediately stopped following the Weight Watchers program. I was lucky, because while at training I only put on 20 or so pounds thanks to the physical activity requirements and the taste of the food in the cafeteria.
Then I got pregnant with my first child. I did not try to lose weight while pregnant, as it is generally discouraged by physicians, and used this as an excuse to eat anything and everything. I finished that pregnancy with a weight gain of almost 60 pounds. Pregnancy was a wonderful excuse to give into my emotional urges, but not without the price of added pounds.
Tragically, my mother passed away suddenly right before my child turned one. My emotional eating was the worst ever after her death and it was not long before I gained even more weight. I began sneaking food and hiding it from my husband and binging whenever I could on whatever was available..
Thinking I was depressed from the loss of my mother I went in for a full physical with my doctor. I learned like many other women, I have hypothyroidism. I used the diagnosis as another excuse to not watch my eating and I blamed my weight on the condition to protect feelings. It was an easy excuse to give up and at the same time give myself an easy out from responsibility. I continued to gain weight to well over 300 pounds.
I decided a few years later to try to lose weight and went back to Weight Watchers. Not even a month on the program I found out I was pregnant again. I only put on 15 pounds with this pregnancy because I was so nauseous. In addition to all of the normal stresses of being a new mother I developed an anxiety condition in my 37th week of pregnancy. I reasoned with myself that losing weight might stop the attacks as my major fear was that I would die because I was so unhealthy. I knew what I needed to do, but it must not have been the motivation I needed as I did not change my behaviors. In fact, I used my fear of dying as an excuse to eat even more.
My motivation came almost two years later from words of my six year old daughter that she did not want to have kids if it meant she’d be fat like me. I asked her if she would change her mind if mommy did something about being fat, and she said maybe. I knew what I had to do. I immediately re-joined weight watchers online at the weight of 316 lbs. and weighed in for the first time at my meeting site a week later on Friday, May 28, 2010, at 309.8 lbs.
After I lost thirty pounds I knew to continue succeeding with my journey I needed to incorporate physical activity into my program. I loved running when I trained years ago but I could barely walk around the block, let alone run! I was so embarrassed by how out of shape I had become, I would only workout by myself by walking around the block or doing videos in my den with the curtains closed. I would not even consider going to a gym where others could judge my lack of ability. I eventually built to walking around the neighborhood about 1 mile, and finishing entire videos. I started running parts of streets on my walk, working to get from stop sign to mail box. After months of self training I sought out a program to help me run a 5K. I found Janes on the Run and joined my first running school.
I was the heaviest and slowest runner in the school. That did not matter to anyone but me as the school encouraged me to run my own distance at my own pace. I finished the school and ran/walked my first 5K Thanksgiving of 2010. I signed up for the next running school hoping to run an entire 5K and started personal training sessions with my running coach to further help my weight loss and running. These activities helped me continue losing weight and provided lots of non-scale victories to help me continue on the journey when the scale was not kind.
I completed my next 5K running the entire distance in March 2011. My time was only a couple of minutes less than my first 5K, but more importantly I accomplished my goal. Not long after I completed the rage, my doctor diagnosed me with adrenal fatigue and instructed me to stop running. I was to monitor my heart rate closely when working out and to focus on gentle activities like walking, yoga and pilates.
I took a break of a few months from activity while I researched and questioned the recommendations of my doctor. I realized that in every journey there are obstacles to overcome. I had a choice, I could stop working the Weight Watchers program and put the weight back on, or I could continue to fight. I decided to fight, so I started training again with my running coach, within the parameters defined by my doctor, and I started walking miles in my neighborhood.
It took many months and significant changes in my lifestyle, but I was cleared by my doctor to start running again and to increase my heart rate to tolerance with my activities. In addition to running again, I decided to try new activities. I learned that I love Zumba dance and indoor cycling classes, and I continued weight training. Every week was not perfect in my weight loss journey, but I knew the changes I made needed to be for life!
I reached my goal weight on 11/11/11, with a total weight loss of 157.6 lbs and I made lifetime with Weight Watchers on 12/23/11 with a total loss of over 160 lbs.
With this journey I changed my entire life. I am not the same person I was when I started - I am improved, confident and strong!! I changed my eating and exercise habits, my clothing size, and even changed my career. I left the practice of law, studied for months and became a fitness coach. I now coach others to change their lives, helping them find their love for fitness, to lose weight and to accomplish their goals.
